On Saturday, we met our friends Jamie and Howard for a donut breakfast at Lane's Bakery. May ate three donuts and had a stomachache afterwards. Ben ate no doughnuts and cried and clung to his mom the entire breakfast. After breakfast, we went to the farmers market. I hate the central Madison farmers market.

My hate is a composite of multiple feelings.

1. I do not like expensive things (except for sushi)
2. I do not like crowds
3. I do not like tourist traps

Jill decided she would stroll May around while doing the shopping. My job at the farmers market was to stroll Ben around until he fell asleep. I made the strategic error of getting a balloon tied to his stroller. He was way too excited to sleep while he could wrangle with a helium balloon. So I went to the Jazzman, a men's clothing store in downtown Madison, to do some shopping of my own. Usually the Jazzman has clothes that are made for people who are thinner and more wealthy than me. However, a few days earlier, I had noticed a faux vintage shirt in the window that I wanted to purchase.

The shirt is a yellow Milwaukee Brewers shirt. It is faux faded with faux blotches of color on it from faux uneven washings. The faux damaged print is of three clearly German brewmeisters riding an enormous keg of beer. I really, really wanted to buy the shirt but now I have some reservations.

If you think about it, the whole faux vintage thing is ridiculous. Why throw out a perfectly good old t-shirt and buy one that looks old but isn't? Ridiculous.

Also, am I a poser by pretending to like the Brewers when I can barely name one player on the team? I prefer to think that I am displaying home-state pride rather than being a poser.

I just got a really large life insurance policy, so if you're planning to kill me, now would be a good time.