Readers will know that I recently returned from Bethany Beach with the deBeers clan. It was an excellent vacation with the exception of two troubling occurrences near the end.

Firstly, Jill and I went for a run. This is not in itself a troubling occurrence, yet, after the run, Jill was sitting on the couch, cooling off and shouted, "Ew. Gross!" She had a tick on her leg. I looked at my legs and noticed that I had about 20 ticks on my legs. It was disgusting. Ticks, easily removed with tweezers - even those already latched on, are my least favorite parasite. What creeps me out so much is that they are fast, have an uncanny instinct for climbing and escape, and resist death. Mosquitoes, also an unpleasant parasite, are easy to kill and are quite content to lollygag into one's crushing palm.

Secondly, I took Ben into the ocean and got my prescription sunglasses washed off. I was holding him and went into some deeper water. Then a wave came. Unencumbered, I could have easily leaped above the crest of the wave. However, at a critical juncture I realized that I could either hold my son above the wave or lose my sunglasses. Did I make the right choice? Only time will tell.

May was playing with the girl next door, RM, and asked me. "Daddy, could you please turn on the lights in the toy room?" Then she turns with a stage whisper to RM, "If you ask him nicely, he'll do what you tell him to do." A funny story, true. Still funnier, she repeated this same routine for the baby sitter who sees her regularly. Not only has she realized this is a funny joke, she's incorporated it into her schtick and recycles it for new audiences.

May gets along well with RM, but the other day they had a quarrel. RM was using the bathroom and May came down to get me, "RM had an accident and tinkled on the floor." This is not uncommon with pets and children. I went upstairs to investigate. "OK, where did RM tinkle." "In the bathroom, on the floor."

RM is in the bathroom with the door shut and cries out, "I DIDN'T HAVE AN ACCIDENT THAT'S NOT TRUE!" Then she comes out of the bathroom and begins to rip into May as only a 4 year old can. RM is dramatic and powerful and when she yells in her house, with the windows shut, I can hear her next door. "MR. BARASCH! YOU MUST TELL MAY NOT TO TELL THINGS THAT AREN'T TRUE ABOUT ME!"

"May," This is a reasonable request. Honesty is a virtue we seek to cultivate. "I'd like both of you girls to tell each other that you'll agree to only tell the truth about each other. May, I'd like you to go first. Can you please tell RM that you will only tell the truth about her from now on?"

"I'll think about it." She replies in a perfect deadpan.

My cousin Bill, his wife Sarah, and their son Ariel visited immediately after the Beach trip. The kids were playing in the backyard and Ben was hanging between the swings on the swingset like an Olympic gymnast. He wasn't wearing a shirt and his tiny baby-muscles bulged out of his back. "Good grief! He's ripped!" exclaimed my cousin-in-law.

We are at the beach this week - NOT Long Beach, NY but instead Bethany Beach, DE. We're staying in a 3 bdrm 'cottage' with Jill's parents and the kids. We went out to dinner tonight and I had the rockfish with lemon and capers. Jill and her mom each had an excellent crabcake. The kids had chicken nuggets and mac'n'cheese. Sandy, Jill's dad, had the tuna steak with wasabi sauce. Now, I'm a big fan of sushi, but the popularity of sushi has influenced more traditional western styles of fish preparation. When I desire a western fish, I always, as did Sandy tonight, ask for my fish to be at least medium.

On the way to the restaurant, Benjamin wanted to bring his blanket, AKA "Ba-ba", into the restaurant. He told me, "I'll bring in ba-ba, unless there's a sign..." Implying that if a sign forbid bringing blankets in to the restaurant, he'd be willing to cooperate. Cooperation, however, is not high on his list. After dinner we went to Walgreens to pick up some ice cream, and Sandy made the mistake of playing with a 10" rubber bouncy Spiderman ball. Ben, despite the fact that we have the same damn ball at the cottage and at home, kept screaming, "I WANT THAT SPIDERMAN BALL!" until I carried him out of the store over my shoulder. He screamed "I WANT THAT SPIDERMAN BALL!" all the way home until I was able to distract him with trivia questions about the super heroes like, "Can spiderman fly? Can superman fly? But can superman swing from a spider-rope-made-from-webs?" When we got home the kids ate some ice cream and were hard to get into bed.

May had a special naughty trick today. After we got back from the beach, I rinsed off in the cabana and changed into my dry clothes. Unfortunately, someone had locked me into the cabana. The last few people who had been around the cabana were my daughter and my mother-in-law, so one of them must have set the hook-and-eye on the outside of the cabana door. I thought that it would be doubtful that my mother-in-law would lock me in the cabana, she wouldn't enjoy feeling guilty when I finally got out. After some cajoling, I finally got May to admit it was her who locked me into the cabana. I asked her why she did it and she told me, "I was looking upstairs and thinking about going upstairs, and at the same time my other hand was doing things with the door and then I really wanted to run upstairs and so I did."

When I was trapped in the cabana, I tried a few things. First, I kicked the door, but I didn't want to break the door or my foot, and remember, this is a cabana so I'm barefoot. Then, I tried scooting under the cabana door. This wasn't my first choice because I had just showered and changed into clean clothes. I had to lie on my back in the mud and sand at the bottom of the shower. I made it farther than I had thought possible, but got stuck on my lowest ribs - couldn't get those under the door. I heard some neighbors talking and decided to call for help. "Help! Help! I'm locked in my cabana! I'm at 33932 Monterrey Ave and I'm locked in my cabana!" Jill, who was in the shower, overheard my call for help and sent her mom to free me.

About twelve years ago, my dad, ex-step-mom, my sister, and I took a vacation in China. As I am something of a gastro-naut, I earned myself quite a few interesting stories to tell at cocktail parties. Despite my reckless eating behavior, there were a few delicacies that my sister wisely steered me away from. We referred to these eminently avoidable meals as 'wild-lunch', a phrase coined by a Japanese student who was studying with Sarah in Shanghai. Then, when something bizarre happened we prefixed our descriptor of the incident or place with 'wild-', for example, we had 'wild-toilet', 'wild-taxi', etc., etc.

El Destructo is quickly becoming the master of 'wild-toilet' as he is apt to whip out his junk and pee at any time on the slightest provocation. He went the entire day Saturday, however, without any accidents. He might have had an incident of public urination (aka 'Wild-toilet'), but if no one gets a citation and you don't have to change your clothes, I don't count it.

Today is May's last full day of school. She's made a great deal of progress this year and all the credit goes to the public school system in Collingswood. She's had great teachers who have really done a lot to help her with her hand-eye and small muscle coordination. Entering the school year, she couldn't hold a pencil in her hand. Leaving the school year, she writes, colors, and draws with pleasure and confidence.

I'm also coming to the end of a school year and am ending the year on a mixed note. I've learned a lot this year and am looking forward to next year. The year has been good for me, but I am disappointed to end the year with a performance that could have been improved upon in the Consult/Liason division of the department of psychiatry. I wish that I could say my poor performance was due to a lack of interest, but I find many of the cases fascinating. I am heartened, as always, by the memory of Dr. S's medical school evaluations and the random, subjective nature of this year of medical school.

The kids always have a hard time getting to sleep. Not anything unusual, it's just that they don't want to go to sleep because we eat ice cream and watch TV after they go to sleep. Everyone knows. So When El Destructo 'wakes up' 40 minutes after he's been 'put to bed' he stands at his door and calls, 'Mommmmmmmmaaaaaaaaa!' until Jill comes and tries to get him back into bed. Unless I am the one who tries to get him back into bed. In this case, he says, 'You're not the one I wanted!' and cries.

May has been doing some crying lately as well. When I need to leave in the morning, she stands in front of the door and cries and cries. I tell her that I'll be home for dinner but it doesn't help a lot. She just cries and cries.

Ben is doing better on the potty and tonight looked very thoughtful while he was getting his jammies on. Being in such deep thought, I assumed he had to use the potty and I was right.

As it turns out, a spot opened for me to study pathology in Milwaukee during August. Yay! That means I'll be going back to the midwest for a month this summer. I'll be studying in the pathology department at Medical College of Wisconsin during the week, but will probably have some time free on the weekends.

My dad is visiting which means we need to spend some time fixing his computer, cleaning up after him, and begging him to take us out for dinner. Jill and I wanted him to spring for some Chinese take-out, but May wanted to go to Friendly's. Grandpa Steve filled everyone's wishes.

At friendly's, both kids were well behaved. They were really hungry, and when El Destructo's hot dog and macaroni-and-cheese came, Ben dumped the first spoonful, as hot as lava, into his lap. He cried and cried. Scared and in pain he had to go sit on his mom's lap. He was so upset that he lost control of his bladder. Jill, always prepared, had some dry clothes for him and whisked him off to the bathroom. She, herself was not prepared for a potty accident and had to sit in wet clothes through the rest of the meal.

Later that day, I got home and we ordered some Chinese take-out. I got mooshoo vegetable, Jill got chicken with eggplant in garlic sauce, and grandpa got pork lo-mein. I offered to bring one of the kids with me as I went to pick up the food. May wanted everyone to go, but Ben and Jill wanted to stay at home. May also wasn't willing to let me go without the whole crowd. She had a tremendous meltdown, "We MUST have everyone go to get the Chinese food!" Finally I talked her down from the emotional moment and we drove to get the food.

I negotiated two free egg rolls and two extra fortune cookies. I told the kids, "If you want a fortune cookie, you have to eat Chinese food!" They did a good job. Of course, they loved to eat the mooshoo pancakes, but they also ate some lo mein. When we ran out of pancakes, we gave them tortillas.